NATALIE DYLAN TO SELL HER VIRGINITY

22-year-old “Natalie Dylan” (not her real name) tried to sell her virginity on eBay but they shut her down. Undaunted, she appeared on Howard Stern to talk about her choice, and has now set up an auction on the website of a famous brothel, where a banner announces:

She will be selling her VIRGINITY at the BunnyRanch so she can earn her Master’s degree without having to work while doing her studies.

A noble goal. The young Californian is not the first to use the internet to sell her maidenly flower, as I’m sure we all remember that haggard British virgin from 2004. But Natalie happens to be a women’s studies major.

Her response to criticism:

“I understand some people may condemn me. But I think this is empowering. I’m using what I have to better myself.”

She also says she’s planning to be selective.

“He has to be a good guy.”

Translation: “Richest motherfucker I can find.”

Natalie plans to use the money she makes from selling her body to pursue a master’s in marital and family therapy - which is either really sad, or revolutionary. But apparently she’s totally serious about going through with this, since she swears she will submit to a polygraph and gyno exam if anyone questions her virgin status. Once the auction is concluded she and the highest bidder will spend the night at the Bunny Ranch, where we are sure the mingled aromas of stale sweat and KY will add to the magical romance.